Psychologists Jokes
A psychologist shows an ink-blot test to a client.
"That looks a bit like a naked lady" suggests the client.
"Really?" the psychologist says rather surprised, "What about this one?"
"That one looks like two naked ladies."
"I see," says the psychologist. "And this one?"
"That one looks like three naked ladies."
The psychologist is astounded and suggests there may be a need for further treatment.
"Me?" queried the client. "You’re the one with the dirty pictures!"
A psychologist was visiting the city when he noticed a crowd gathering by a large building. He was informed by the police that a man at the 20th floor window was threatening to jump. The psychologist explained who he was and offered to assist the police by talking to the man. With nothing to lose, the police agreed.
"Think about your family" the psychologist began.
"My wife and kids just left me" replied the man.
"Oh, I am sorry, but think about how the economy is looking up"
"My business just got wiped out" replied the man increasingly agitated.
"Oh. I see" said the psychologist realising the need to ease the tension immediately.
"Think about Collingwood’s exciting win over Sydney yesterday"
"I hate football, especially Collingwood"
"Well jump then!"
Two therapists have finished work for the day and are waiting for the elevator. The first is a well groomed, distinguished gentleman. He is neatly dressed without a hair out of place. The second, his junior, appears a mess. He looks tired, pale and burnt-out.
"How do you do it?" asked the junior. "How can you listen to people’s problems all day long without going crazy? Doesn’t it eventually get to you?"
The older man replied "Who listens?"
What’s the definition of psychiatry?
The study of the id by the odd.
What’s the difference between a psychologist and a psychiatrist?
About $100,000.00 per year.
What’s the definition of an Alcoholic?
Someone who drinks more than their doctor.
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